Is it possible to be great to our children, if we are being hard on ourselves?
Initially I had a really tough time as a mother, as my work revolves around educating children, so even before I was pregnant, I had already researched on 100 different theories of how to raise kids the right way, starting from when they were born, or even before that.
I was determined to do it so perfectly with my child.
But, overtime I realized that this strategy is definitely backfiring. It was not a 100% inefficient per say. The theories applied definitely worked in some very good ways, but it got me exhausted as a mother.
“ Sometimes the better we try to raise our children, the harder we get on ourselves, and that was definitely not working.”
Eventually I started to realize that my love for my son, or my role as a mentor is inextricably interconnected with my love for myself.
If we want to enjoy our children, it is important that we take care of ourselves first, and we are also modeling the same to our children while we are doing that.
“Our capacity to love others, including our children, is based on our capacity to love ourselves.”
As parents we get so lost in our responsibilities and duties towards our children, that we completely lose out on taking care of ourselves. In the long run, and mostly also in the moments, it is not doing much good to our children either. Because you can’t be hard on your self and then be great with your children. You will be frustrated, bugged and your child will be able to see and feel it.
The whole thing about parenting is, that it can’t be a one way road. We have to think of ways to provide for our children, in a way that it will provide for us too. The only way we can raise our children well is when we treat ourselves well first.
Your relationship with your children is a lifelong one. You should aim towards making this a relationship where you both are recharged from, that you both are inspired from, that you both grow from.
And it's a very possible, thing to do. It may be hard to see sometimes, but the further you get along that path, the more rewarding, not just parenting is, but the rest of your life is, and not just yours but also your children’s lives.
In the next column I will be discussing few tactics that will help us ‘manage’, actually no, it will help us ‘enjoy’ our children.
We keep hearing from parents, “My child needs so much attention”. The reality is that they don’t need as much attention as we think. It’s just that they need our full attention from time to time.